Circeo's Xanga

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 11:25:48 GMT

Still alive. Super busy. Became a sheep and joined facebook.

A Day In The Life

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 19:09:37 GMT

[Mood: Busy]
There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t kill yourself
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah
-Speeding Cars, by Imogen Heap

William: Oi sir, what are you doing?
Chaucer: Uh... trudging. You know, trudging?
[pause]
Chaucer: To trudge: the slow, weary, depressing yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simply soldier on.

It's been a few weeks since I posted. About a month, I guess. Although school has been in session for a while, things are finally getting completely in motion. As I've gone through the past few days, I have been thinking about how I want to describe my days to you. And since they're so varied, I may as well post a whole week thus far. (Monday was Labor Day. We'll skip that.)

Tuesday:
My first day of seeing patients. I have a patient at 11, and another scheduled at 1. Get to school at 7:30, run through my final case prep, and work on my thesis background section. Read two academic papers, decide they're crap, and delete them. Eat an apple, since I probably won't get lunch until 2:30 or so.
My patient arrives, I gather my supervisor, Lori, and walk to clinic. (We moved the clinic to a new building last week, so it's pretty far from the offices.) Can't find the patient room. Finally find the patient and begin interview with patient's mom. Partway through, patient needs to pee (is 5 yrs old,) and we ask to get a urine sample, since they're going anyway. Patient throws a fit, but it gives me time to go over things with Lori before they come back, sans sample. Finish interview, go to find doctor. Present to doctor, already running late. Do physical exam, and plan to order tests. When we get back to the prep room, we realize my second patient is already waiting for me. Leave follow up to Lori and grab Susan to supervise my other patient.
This one is 6, and brought his little brother with him. Patient and brother bounce around and yell while I do intake. Extensive family history requires mom to call grandmother to discuss. Takes almost an hour to finish interview. Go to get doctor - doctor is in a meeting with the director. Go to tell patient to be patient (ha ha) and patient and family are gone. Oh, only to the bathroom. They come back. Are very patient. Doctor arrives, Susan leaves, I am expected to take notation for physical exam - which I've never had explained, much less done. Survive seeing patient. Susan returns and we do lab forms. Hand off lab orders to now-screaming patients (doesn't want blood drawn) and go back to prep room. Fire alarms go off, and we have to evacute. I take this chance (now after 4pm) to escape back to my office and wolf down a biscuit.
OM picks me up at 5, and we go home. Home, to face a dog who has decided it is perfectly okay to pee on the floor. OM gives me ice cream and promises I am not as stupid as I feel.

Wednesday:
Get to school at 7:30. Read more articles for my thesis. Meet with Susan at 9 to discuss my patient. Got told I didn't completely suck. Was given lots of homework and things to think about. Went to Embryology class at 10... there is no one there. Went back to the office. Emailed the Embryology course coordinator and said, wtf? Oh, class was cancelled from 10-11 and the genetic counseling students aren't on her email list. But there is still class from 11-12, so I grabbed my stuff (again) and ran back to class.
Have lunch, get next week's schedule from Lori, and pick patients. Work on homework, and write up for patients seen the day before. Begin to prep a patient, and realize that they are not a new patient. Throw away file and prep other patient. Work on thesis.
OM has to go to the grocery store before he picks me up (per my request,) so he picks me up at almost 6, and we go home. I collapse into a pile of goo for a few hours, and we walk the dog in the dark.

Thursday:
Get to school at 7:30. Go to Grand Rounds from 8-9, which looked promising, but is ultimately quite boring. Continue to prep patient for next week. Meet with Lori to discuss last Tuesday's patient, assign a new patient to replace my not-new patient, and ask lots of questions. Go to Journal Club from 12-1, then seminar until 1:30.
And then, to the cytogenetics lab to observe. I have not quite figured out what I am supposed to be learning in the lab. I spend the first hour working on a gene description per lab person's request. Once I am done, the lab person who is responsible for me has disappeared. I spend the next hour writing a Xanga entry.
At 4:30, when the lab begins to empty, I decide to go back to the office. I prep my new patient. Call both patients to confirm that they will be coming next week, and get more information. Stress about differential diagnoses. Consider (and reject) working on my thesis. Suck it up and work on thesis anyway.
Eat dinner (still in the office.) Meet OM at 7 in the Student Union for as-advertised free dancing lessons. Realize I am wearing the wrong shoes for dancing. Go home to see the dog, and watch Project Runway.

Trying To Get Into Things More Happy Than Blue

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 16:44:58 GMT

[Mood: Hopeful]
The minstrel boy will understand
He holds a promise in his hand
He talks of better days ahead
And by his words your fortune’s read
Listen to the pictures flow
Across the room into your mind they go
-Minstrel of the Dawn, by Gordon Lightfoot

So, I realize my last few posts have been very depressed (depressing?). And I have been very frustrated by school things. But I don't want you to think that that is everything. I decided I needed to talk about a more fun aspect of my life.

Unfortunately, one of the more fun parts of my life is playing World of Warcraft.

I'll be the first to admit, OM and I probably play more than we really should. He's got 4 characters at level 80, and I'm an officer in a heavy-RP guild. But on the flip side, it's great escapism, great interaction with other people (even if they are on the other side of the screen,) and its a lot cheaper than renting movies, or hosting dinner parties. I've been playing a lot during the break, both because I'm hiding from my thesis and because the guild has needed me around. So let me tell you about my life on WoW. (Note: Unless you are a complete WoW geek, some of this probably won't make sense.)

My guild, the Kingship of the East, is the largest and most active RP guild on the server, with over 250 characters and 100 active accounts. We have a prominent raiding contingent, as well as a very active PvP section. We have Naxxramas on farm, have downed 3-drake Sartharion, and have basically everything except Yogg-Saron on farm in Ulduar.

Above all, we are an RP guild. In the zombie invasion event last year, we defended our home base of Menethil Harbor for the entire event - it was the only city on the server to not be overrun. This past week, we have been stationed at the king and queen's home, and no horde have been allowed to enter this part of the zone. As you can imagine, this leads to a lot of world PvP. And as much as I hate it, we actually put raids on hold to wipe the floor with any invading horde - especially the horde guild, Nyx, who we are currently at open war with.

I play a draenei holy priest on Emerald Dream named Elexiari. I am level 80 and dual-specced shadow. I am a capable PvP healer, but I prefer instances to battlegrounds. The addons I run include flagRSP, Deadly Boss Mods, Dominos, Grid, and x-Perl. My gear sets are Naxx-25 or so, with i213 gear or higher in all slots. I do not devote the time necessary to raid Uludar with our raid group, so I lead Naxx-25 runs on the weekends. Every weekend. I am a Crusader with the Agrent Tournament, and am slowly working on the Glory of the Hero achievement. I am also a bit of a pet/mount collector, with 74 pets and 65 mounts. I am currently working up my rep with the Sha'tari Skyguard, and will do Netherwing next.

Within the Kingship, Elexiari is a member of the royal house, and served the queen as lady-in-waiting before her recent promotion. I am currently the Chancellor for the Department of Citizenry. That means I am the officer responsible for interviewing all incoming applicants. I have recently updated the entire application process, so if you go to our forums and look under Department of Citizenry - that's all me. (Unfortunately, you currently cannot see that Department unless you sign up as a member. Please do not sign up just to read it.) As chancellor, I also oversee all the unhoused members of our guild, and guide them toward finding a house.

This is what I spend my evenings and weekends doing. In a sick, sad way, it's a heck of a lot more gratifying than banging my head against the thesis-wall.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 15:43:36 GMT

[Mood: Disappointed]
This could be the very minute
I'm aware I'm alive
All these places feel like home

With a name I'd never chosen
I can make my first steps
As a child of 25

This is the straw, final straw in the
Roof of my mouth as I lie to you
Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean
I didn't enjoy it at the time

You're the only thing that I love
It scares me more every day
On my knees I think clearer

Goodness knows I saw it coming
Or at least I'll claim I did
But in truth I'm lost for words

What have I done it's too late for that
What have I become truth is nothing yet
A simple mistake starts the hardest time
I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time
-Chocolate, by Snow Patrol

It has been about a month since my last post. The final weeks of the summer semester were filled with angst and business. I somehow managed to get As in both of my classes, despite having to deal with supervisors not turning in paperwork on time, and mistakes in the grading rubric. I finally got indignant enough to check on the school policies regarding syllabi - turns out, not only are you not required to stick to what your syllabus says, but you're not even required to provide one. Kinda makes you want to die a little inside, doesn't it?

OM and I went to the beach with my folks for a few days. Man, did I need that. My family has gone to the beach for vacation every summer since the kids were in diapers, and it brings back all sorts of memories. Dad brought his boat this year (or course) and we got to go out a few times to drive around the gulf.

Even though I understand that a lot of school is jumping through hoops, it doesn't stop me from getting discouraged. I know some of the courses covered are crap. I know some of the assignments are more about diligence and quality than content. I really hate the idea of writing a thesis. It is a huge "hoop," and an incredible pain in my side. I was so relieved when I got my IRB application signed and turned in. I felt like I'd gotten past a major hurdle, and things were really rolling. Turns out, I neglected to take a required training course. Even though it says "faculty and staff," I have to attend. And despite having assurances that my "research and writing" course last fall would fully prepare me to go into an IRB, it didn't. Apparently the policy was changed to include students as of June 1 - doesn't matter that the website still explicitly says students don't have to attend. I managed to get into a course last minute (that is to say, today,) rather than having to wait until October. But that doesn't take the sting out of the nasty email my supervisor sent - not just to me, but to the rest of my thesis committee AND the directors of my program, disparaging me for being so neglectful, expecting everyone else to do me favors at the last minute, and not taking care of my own crap. I think the fact that she sent it to other people was more hurtful than the content.

Let's ignore the fact that I was the only one in my class that had to fill out an IRB at all. Let's also ignore the fact that I gave her the first draft in January, and she's the one who put it on the back burner until May. Let's ignore the fact that I never asked the directors for anything, because I knew they were busy, and asked her approval on everything before I asked anyone for "favors". Let's ignore that the only reason I scheduled meetings at the last minute was because my committee never responded to my "when can you make a meeting" emails.

No, no, I'm obviously crap. Worthless waste of space and her precious time. I can sort of appreciate the idea that graduate school expects you to be a grown up, and take care of your own issues. But I am getting really tired of getting no help, and having to claw my way through every single little thing.

Very Busy

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 02:43:00 GMT

[Mood: Busy]
I'm just a stranger, even to myself
A re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf
Don't be a fool girl, tell him you love him
Don't be a fool girl, you're not above him

I never thought I could love anyone but myself
Now I know I can't love anyone but you
You make me think that maybe I won't die alone
Maybe I won't die alone
-Die Alone, by Ingrid Michaelson

I am still alive, just very busy. This is what has been going on:
My thesis is improving - I submitted everything to the IRB last week, so right now I'm just waiting for approval.
My cousin is getting married on Friday. This means family coming into town. So, Tuesday, mom and the kids get here. Wednesday will be spent with them. Thursday, OM and I babysit for the wedding rehearsal. Friday is the wedding. Saturday, there are two baby showers and a general "happy birthday to everyone" party.
Also on Thursday: midterm.
Also on Friday: OM has an audiology appointment.

And you know what else? We wrote a budget, and we paid off the credit card...
When man plans, God laughs.
We got a flat tire last week and had to buy a new tire. Then, I found a flea on Aubri this weekend and had a mini panic attack, so we had to buy flea prevention goo. And then today? I drove OM to work, ran a few errands, went to OU, got back in the car - and the car wouldn't start. (Not to mention we'd overslept and I hadn't had breakfast.) So, I called OM, I called Whit, I called my daddy. Then I tried to start the car again. And it worked! I took it to the car place to get a new battery... but it turns out it's the starter that is broken. So, our second month of budgeting, and we've already spent an unexpected $600. Fail.

Bursted Bubbles

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 15:20:29 GMT

[Mood: Crushed]

You used to get it in your fishnets
Now you only get it in your night dress
Discarded all the naughty nights for niceness
Landed in a very common crisis
Everything's in order in a black hole
Nothing seems as pretty as the past though
That Bloody Mary's lacking a Tabasco
Remember when he used to be a rascal?
-Fluorescent Adolescent, by the Arctic Monkeys

I was planning to make a post this week, about my cool new life as a second year genetic counseling student. I spent Tuesday and Wednesday at Mercy Hospital, observing (and doing!) prenatal genetic counseling. I actually got to go in and counsel patients on my own yesterday. I thought it was pretty damn cool. I thought, maybe I don't suck as bad as I thought...

Well, apparently, I do. I met with some of my thesis committee today. And that didn't go too well. Each meeting (I've only had two, really,) have left me feeling like an unprepared idiot. It baffles me a little, because I feel like, based on the students from last year, I am WAY ahead of the curve. I keep going back to the thought that, Lori thought I'd be able to be done with data collection by now, so surely getting it submitted to the IRB shouldn't be this freaking hard.

For those of you who don't know what the heck I'm talking about, here is a general guideline of how to write a thesis:
1. Design an experiment.
2. Submit said experiment to the Institutional Review Board (IRB).
3. Once IRB approved, carry out said experiment.
4. Analyze data.
5. Write up thesis. (This consists of a huge background section, in which you explain why you did what you did, and a basic journal article, in which you explain what you did and what you found.)

So, I'm still on step 1, here. The really frustrating part is, I designed the experiment and wrote out the stuff to submit to the IRB for class last fall. I got an A in the class. Now, if my design and background was really so weak as to justify many, many additions and revisions, why did I get an A in the class?

I'm supposed to have hypotheses. I have specific aims, but those appear to not be enough. In today's meeting, I was told that you're supposed to go over every hypothesis and explain your justification for what you think will happen (based on literature review) and how you're going to test it. That sounds like it should go in the background section, to me, since it involves so much literature review. So I asked, does this go in with the specific aims (which comes before the background) or after the background? And they were like, uhm, duh, it goes in the specific aims section. Don't you remember the class where we wrote one of these? Yay, I feel like an idiot.

I'm begining to understand why they kept telling us that we didn't understand how busy the summer would be. It's the "learn how to swim" semester. Also, I may have to retake Embryology after all. School sucks.

The Time Between Duties

Tue, 26 May 2009 15:34:12 GMT

[Mood: Cheerful]
When your'e out on the road and feelin' quite lost
Consider the burden of fame
And he who is wise will not criticize
When other men fail at the game
Beware of strange faces and dark dingy places
Be careful while bending the law
And the house you live in will never fall down
If you pity the stranger who stands at your door
-The House You Live In, by Gordon Lightfoot

I survived the semester! I made decent grades! They didn't kick me out! (These are good things.)

On a more pertinent note: I am currently in San Angelo! I flew down yesterday; OM and Aubri will be driving in on Thursday, and we will all be leaving together on Monday, June 1. Our time here is filling up quickly, but we'd love to see everyone. Please leave a comment or email me or call me - or something! - if you'd like to get together. I've missed everyone so much!
Curious about how Aubri will be traveling? In style, of course.

Last weekend, OM and I got to go see the Lion King. Nana got us tickets for Christmas - amazing, VIP tickets. We were on the 6th row from the stage. The performance was unbelievably good. The costumes were fantastic, the music was fabulous... needless to say, we had a great time overall. I agree with Whitney and her boyfriend: the tickets were worth the opening number alone.
I got a new camera for my birthday, and I am determined to take more photos. I wanted to take a picture with the actors, but they never came out. So we took a photo of their trailer instead. (It was windy, so my dress looks a bit odd.)

More Cuteness

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 22:38:38 GMT

Aunt Karla took me out for lunch and shopping today! Most was looking for mother-of-the-groom dresses for her, but we did stop by the doggie boutique on the way home. And Aunt Karla bought a new collar and a new shirt for Aubri, for my birthday! Now her collar is not blue, so people won't think she's a boy, and she has clothes to wear indoors so she doesn't freeze.
Now, I am not one of those people who dresses their dogs in cutesy dresses. I do not own a pair of doggie sunglasses or any hats (although I still think she needs booties for walking in the cold.) I buy Aubri clothes because the poor thing has 4% body fat at best, and she shivers every time I turn the fan on. Please understand that this is not really something I considered when I picked this breed.

Also, I am posting a video of OM and Aubri playing tug of war. I can't manage to edit the thing, so it's not very good... but her cuteness makes up for it.

The Street Corner Medic Gives No Anesthetic

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 19:18:30 GMT

[Mood: Weary]

There are no guarantees in life
Not for the present,
Nor for the future.
All I know is
That I'm here;
Don't know for how long.
I love the way
You live so intensely
Enjoy every minute of life
With space to swing
Your arms around
Laughing loudly.
-Unlike Me, By Kate Havenik

Important note: OM, Aubri, and Circeo will be in San Angelo at the end of May. Circeo flies down on May 25th. OM and Aubri will join via car May 28th. All three go back to OKC on June 1st. If you want to see us, let us know - we want to see you!

Life has been pretty busy recently. Things seem to get away from me. Right now, we're close enough to the end of the semester, that panic has ensued. Two papers due next week, plus my survey and IRB application for my thesis. Go ahead, ask me how much I've worked on them.
I did pretty well on my midterms, although Cancer still hasn't been graded and returned. We actually took another Metabolism test last week, and I made another 100. I think, perhaps, metabolics is a specialty I should consider. I realized yesterday, metabolic disorders are really what got me into genetic counseling in the first place. When I took Intermediary Metabolism as an undergrad, I didn't not do very well. I couldn't tell you the pathways, or draw chemical structure to save my life. But I knew what happened if a molecule got displaced, or what disorders were in what pathway. The one molecule = one disease = (and usually) one cure idea is what got me started on this whole journey.
Last weekend, OM and I took Aubri to her first IG playdate. We've been going to the dog park pretty regularly, and she loves that. This playdate was IGs only, hosted at someone's house. It was amazing! There were probably about 20 dogs there. Considering the idea that OM and I never saw an IG until last November, we've gotten quite swept away in the breed culture, I think. Also to consider: Aubri is really the perfect size for us, but apparently, she is very little for the breed. We won the prize for smallest dog (even beating out the 7 month old puppy.)

Here's some of the dogs. I tried to find photos with minimal humans and maximum dogs.

I hope whoever this is will be okay with my posting her photo. This is a pretty good depiction of the puppy pandemonium.

Sometimes, I feel like this.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 20:34:47 GMT

[Mood: Calm]
You used to get it in your fishnets
Now you only get it in your night dress
Discarded all the naughty nights for niceness
Landed in a very common crisis
Everything's in order in a black hole
Nothing seems as pretty as the past though
That Bloody Mary's lacking a Tabasco
Remember when he used to be a rascal?
-Fluorescent Adolescent, by Arctic Monkeys

One more midterm to go. I'm doing nicely - 87.5 on my Topics, and a shiny 100 for Metabolism. Cancer midterm tomorrow, and all well be settled down again.
Life overall has been busy, but good. Productive. Aubri seems to have decided that it is okay to eat again, so I guess she got over whatever pickiness she has been having. OM is still trucking away at his job. He got a pseudo-promotion last week - he's now alternating between doing entry work, and looking over other people's entries to check for errors.
We had our anniversary 2 weeks ago. Can you believe it's been three years already? I'm done with my Bachelor's and working on my Master's, and OM is out of school completely - done with his Master's, and almost a full year into the mainstream workforce, now. We've moved 3 times, gone through 5 or 6 fish, had wisdom teeth removed, bought a car, sold 1 car and 1 truck, bought 2 computers and remodeled another, taken out numerous student loans, and bought a dog... and we're still on relatively firm finanical footing. Even better, we still get along.
Spring break was a pretty nice trip. I got to spend time with Mommy and the kids, and saw all the Iowa relatives. Grandpa and Grandma seem to be doing fairly well, considering everything. In the end, I'm glad I got to see everyone, and spend time with them. Aunt Robin took me to see Slumdog Millionaire - totally amazing.
In the near future:
-Cancer midterm.
-New applicants coming in to interview. Aww, cute little noobs.
-A presentation and written case report (over different topics) for topics class.
-A thesis survey and completed IRB ready for review on April 30. (Happy birthday to me, right?)
-(Hopefully) track down some funding and get OM some fancy new hearing aids.
-Aubri relearns where is appropriate to pee in the house.